Toxic gaming communities & how to avoid them

Although the term “toxic gaming community” is most often used in the context of competitive video games, there’s no denying that the tabletop and text-based gaming communities have experienced their share of toxicity, as well.

In today’s post, I describe what makes a community or gamer toxic. I then list out several behaviors that contribute to toxic gaming communities and should be avoided. Finally, I wrap up with some personal advice on dealing with toxic behavior.

But first…

Why pay attention to toxicity in games

It should go without saying, but this stuff matters for a few important reasons:

1. First and foremost, toxic behavior is harmful to human health and can lead to depression and suicidal thoughts. That’s why it’s called toxic behavior and not merely “unpleasant behavior.”
2. Second, it drives players away. And not just from individual games but the whole dang hobby.

If the dwindling text-based gaming community in particular wants to attract and retain players, it not only has to work against the perception that our games are obsolete and old-fashioned – it also needs to make sure that the games we play and create are safe for other human beings, regardless of their age, gender, race/ethnicity, sexual orientation, religion, or ability.

Let’s take a look at what constitutes a toxic gaming community.

Note: while not everyone who plays games self-identifies as a gamer, I use the terms “gamer” and “player” interchangeably throughout this article, as the two groups are not mutually exclusive and can be found in the same communities.

Another red flag: you or your fellow players privately talk about how you prefer to “keep your heads down” to avoid unwanted attention. This is typically a sign that you don’t feel comfortable expressing yourselves in that community.

While inexperienced players (newbies) are frequently the victims of toxic behavior, even experienced players can find themselves being talked down to or harassed in a toxic community.

Trolling occurs when someone engages in toxic behavior with the specific intent of causing distress or harm to others. Thus, while all trolls are toxic, not all toxic gamers are trolls.

Varieties of toxic

While it’s true that toxic gamers can have a nasty attitude, especially when things aren’t going their way, not all of them are hot-headed and impulsive (and therefore easier to identify).

Sometimes, they’re calm and calculating.

Also referred to as bad faith actors, they may seem outwardly friendly and reasonable in public channels but turn out to be manipulative or predatory in private. The more they learn about their victims, the more they can exploit them.

For example, these types of toxic players may attempt to gaslight other players who have less power or low self-esteem in order to get their way.

This becomes especially problematic when the conversations occur outside the game (e.g. in Discord) where admins have no way of knowing about it in order to put a stop to it.

The point here isn’t to place blame, however – it’s to explain what kind of behaviors and activities contribute to a toxic atmosphere so that both staff and players can take steps to protect their games and communities from the effects of toxicity.

Toxic gaming community checklist

Below are some of the things staff and players do that contribute to a toxic gaming community. Essentially, it’s a handbook of things you should not do if you want to create a safer, healthier space for players.

It’s also your checklist of things to watch out for in any game you play, create, or support.

As a staffer / admin

Here are 10 ways game admins erode players’ trust and exemplify toxic behavior:

1. Engage – or allow other players to engage – in homophobia, transphobia, sexism, racism, anti-Semitism, ableism, and other forms of discrimination.
2. Show favoritism toward your friends and the players you personally like.
3. Belittle or target players you don’t agree with, or whose character concepts or roleplay you don’t like.
4. Manipulate players into thinking they deserve or are responsible for the poor treatment they receive from you or others (gaslighting).
5. Be extremely vague about your decisions in policy cases or why you’ve chosen to take one player’s word over another. (While it’s sometimes necessary to leave out details, e.g. when protecting a victim, a total lack of transparency can quickly erode players’ trust, especially in combination with other behaviors in this list.)
6. Don’t stick to the rules you make everyone else follow (double standard).
7. Use your knowledge of how the game works to create a min-maxed player character, then use that character to grief players, e.g. under the pretense of “creating RP.”
8. Ignore poor behavior from players because they donate heavily to the game or pay a subscription fee.
9. Answer players’ questions with “because that’s how we’ve always done it.”
10. Plus everything listed below.

As a player

Here are 10 ways players ruin the game for everyone else:

1. Engage in homophobia, transphobia, sexism, racism, anti-Semitism, ableism, and other forms of discrimination.
2. Talk down to fellow players and harass staff about decisions that aren’t in your favor.
3. Harass or belittle players you don’t agree with, or whose character concepts or roleplay you don’t like.
4. Go behind another player’s back to damage their reputation or try to convince others to exclude them from events or activities (blackballing).
5. Take advantage of loopholes in the game’s mechanics to get ahead or make other players’ lives miserable (cheating, twinking, griefing).
6. Reveal private information about a player in order to upset, intimidate, or embarrass them (doxxing).
7. Pursue graphic roleplay (rape, torture, gruesome scenes, etc.) even though someone has asked you to stop or has indicated that they’re not interested (harassment, sexual harassment).
8. Manipulate other players into thinking they deserve or are responsible for the poor treatment they receive so that they don’t go to staff with their complaints (gaslighting).
9. Lie to the game’s admins or alter your logs in order to frame other players or shift blame away from yourself.
10. Involve your friends in your griefing and metagaming activities.

Nearly all of the behaviors listed here should be explicitly forbidden in your game’s rules, and these rules should be consistently enforced by staff.

And don’t stop with this list.

What I’ve laid out here is just a start. Think about other behaviors you’ve seen in your favorite games that can and do contribute to a culture of toxicity.

Why you should address toxic behavior

In the real world, toxic communities generally don’t happen overnight. They happen because toxic behavior is permitted and tolerated until it becomes the expected norm. For that reason, it’s important for players to recognize and stand up to toxic behavior.

To borrow a phrase from DHS: if you see something, say something.

Granted, it’s often easier said than done. By the time you realize you or your friends are in a toxic situation, you may have already given in to an emotional outburst and said something you regret. Or you may have told the toxic player something personal that you’d rather not have out in the open. You might also worry about getting in trouble, being the target of revenge, or flat-out being ignored.

For these and other reasons, I highly recommend that you keep logs of your conversations, and always remember that others can do the same.

Tips for standing up to toxic behavior

Here are some tips for handling a toxic situation as a player:

1. If you’re upset, take a deep breath and allow yourself a moment to focus. Keep your cool. Toxic players often get their jollies from seeing their victims get upset, so don’t give them the pleasure.
2. Calmly tell the player that they’re being toxic.
3. Block the toxic player if the game gives you the option to do so.
4. Report the player to the game’s admin team, along with logs, screenshots, or other evidence. Evidence isn’t always necessary (game admins often have their own tools for monitoring players), but it can really help expedite the process.
5. Remove yourself from the situation if it doesn’t improve. No, you shouldn’t have to be the one to leave, but you don’t have to stand there and take the abuse, either.

Other things you can do include boycotting games with a reputation for being toxic and leaving honest reviews so that other players can make informed decisions about whether or not to play.

What about bad faith actors?

I mentioned earlier that bad faith actors are often more difficult to identify. Here are some tips to help prevent harm from this type of toxic player:

• Keep logs of text conversations and remember that anything you say can be logged by others, as well.
• Be cautious about the personal details you give to other people on the internet. It’s important to be aware that nothing you say or do in an online game is truly private.
• Encourage players to come forward when they feel uncomfortable, threatened, or harassed. Game staff can’t act on toxic behavior they don’t know about.
• If you’re a staffer, maintain the confidentiality of those who come forward with concerns. It can already be a huge hurdle for a player to come forward even without the risk and fear of retaliation from the person they’re reporting.

Most importantly: whether you’re a staffer or player, treat players’ concerns seriously. Trivializing players’ concerns is a sure way to create a toxic gaming community.

When to say goodbye to a toxic game

When a game is more frustrating than it is fun, it’s time to say goodbye.

You might think that the toxic staff or players are the problem and not the game itself. After all, the game was once fun for you, and it could be fun again under the right conditions.

However, the reality with any multiplayer game is that the game, its staff, and its players are a package deal. If your best efforts to address the toxicity don’t result in positive change, it’s not your fault. But it is time to take your business elsewhere.

Andruid’s using the restaurant analogy again…

Imagine going to a restaurant and getting berated by the other guests – or worse, the server or on-duty manager!

Not only would you probably never go back there again, but you’d also likely tell all your friends about how terrible the experience was and warn them away from eating at that restaurant – maybe even that entire restaurant chain. Right?

And yet… I’ve seen players tolerate repeated abuse because it used to be their favorite restaurant, or they’ve invested a lot of time and energy into the place, or because the meals are free and all their friends still eat there.

Take my advice: it’s not worth it.

If you’re in a bad relationship with a toxic game, it’s time to cut ties and move on. Find a community that deserves, respects, and appreciates you, because no game is worth the price of your well-being.

Additional reading

• Lien: Log Off: Toxic gaming communities
• Why are gaming communities so toxic?
• Most U.S. Teens Experienced Harassment When Gaming Online, ADL Survey Finds
• Anti-women, anti-Black, anti-Asian harassment growing in online games